Snake's Nature Show
by Albino Pikachu
Summary: Snake observes some of the Smashers in their "natural" habitats. *COMPLETE*
1. Kirby

**So, uh, yeah. WRITING RAMPAGE. RAWR!**

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Snake was hidden behind a fridge, in the Smash Mansion kitchen. The kitchen had many utensils, but the knives were covered up for safety reasons. Darn old Toon Link!

Snake stood in front of a camera, but instead of his sneaking suit and headband, his beard shaved, he had on an outfit suspiciously resembling The Crocodile Hunter's old uniform.

"Welcome, to wildlife observation with Snake." The mercenary grinned.

"Well, today, we're gonna observe the wild Kirby. There is only one of these indigenous creatures!" said Snake.

Behind him, several different colored Kirbys ran through the room in a stampede, crushing Yoshi.

"MY FOOD!" exclaimed the Pink one.

"No, mine!" said a light blue Kirby.

Pink Kirby ate Light Blue Kirby. He turned light blue in color.

" Ah! I ate myself!" screamed Pink/Light Blue Kirby in horror.

"Ah! We're confusing our readers!" cried Yellow Kirby, eating a donut!

"AH!" screamed Red Kirby.

"OH NO!" exclaimed Orange Kirby.

"THE HORROR!" exclaimed purple Kirby,

"Wait, are you eating a donut?" asked Gray Kirby.

Everyone mauled Yellow Kirby.

"Ah! It appears there are more than one Kirby! They are a very aggressive species, A Poyonesian!"

Crickets chirped.

"FRESH MEAT!" exclaimed all the surviving Kirbys.

They all ate the crickets.

"We must be cautious, as Kirbys are aggressive and will eat anything they can…So…"whispered Snake.

"I choose you!" Snake whispered, even though there was an exclamation point after his statement.

Snake threw a Poke Ball, and Pikachu popped out, wearing a bandana.. He Iron Tailed Gray Kirby, breaking his nonexistent neck, but all the Kirbys jumped the poor chu, swarming him. The Kirbys separated, and all there was left was a bandana. Red Kirby ate Gray Kirby's corpse, and became Gray Kirby! Confusing, eh?

"Meh, I haven't trained him much. Ah well! I wonder…"

Snake threw what WAS Pikachu's PokeBall at Orange Kirby. It shook once, twice, thrice, and he caught Orange Kirby.

"Now I can use that Kirby to fight the other ones!" said Snake. Too bad the caught Kirby was in his PokeBall, near all the other Kirbys.

"…Drat!" exclaimed Snake, rather loudly.

The Kirbies' nonexistant ears perked up and looked at the fridge, Snake was hiding behind.

Gray Kirby ate the Fridge, and all little Kirby eves were on Snake. They were all greedy.

"uh….Look! A distraction!" exclaimed Snake, pointing to the cabinet.

Weegee, the creepy incarnation of Luigi himself, and Tails Doll were sitting at the counted. They stared at all the Kirbies' souls.

Gray Kirby imploded.

Light Blue Kirby vomited out his brain.

Pink Kirby started on fire.

Everyone else died gory deaths.

"Gee, thanks guys! You saved us!" said Snake

The two turned their stares at Snake.

"Gahhhh!" screamed Snake.

"Snake? Snake! SNAKE!" exclaimed *insert name of person on Snake's communication list here*

The screen turned black.

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**Yay, end of chapter one. Now leave me alone.**

**Forever.**

**~Albino**


	2. Fatality

"Well, welcome back to Snake's Nature Show!" smiled the Mercinary.

"Hey, Snake, why are you alive? Didn't Tails Doll And Weegee steal your soul?" asked a curious Young Link.

"….You shouldn't have said their names…." Smiled Snake.

Speaking of the devils, Young Link screamed in terror as Tails Doll's hands came out of a dark portal, and tried to pull Young Link down into the realms of hell. Young Link would have escaped, but Weegee petrified him with his stare. Young Link didn't stand a chance. You think floormasters were creepy? This is the shit right here. Young Link was pulled down into the dark portal.

"Well, he didn't know that A. I sold my sold for the abilities of infinite ammo and B, the fact that cigarettes ADD to my life!" said Snake "The only problem is that I seem too smiley sometimes."

The camera man simply stared in horror where Young Link stood. All that was left was a bottle of Lon Lon milk. Snake threw it at the camera man.

"Well, that's this episode's pay." Said Snake.

They were still in the kitchen, blood and gore splattered everywhere from the Kirby deaths.

Pikachu crawled from the gore, along with several Waddle Dees.

"We survived Kirby's swallowing…. It was weird in there…Everything Kirby ate…Dead Waddle Dees…A bus…. The planes missing from the Bermuda triangle…." Pikachu died from the horror of it all.

"….And I thought it was aliens…." Exclaimed a nearby Jigglypuff.

The fridge fell on JigglyPuff, crushing her and killing her instantly. IT WUZ SUPER EFFECTIVE.

"Well, should we claim we were observing Pikachu and JigglyPuff and call it an episode?" asked Snake.

"Nah." Said the Cameraman.

In fury, Snake ripped his safari outfit off, his sneaking suit underneath, and put on his bandana.

"YES WE ARE." Said Snake.

The producer, me, walked in.

"Uh, dude, you aren't getting a paycheck for this episode then." Said Albino Pikachu, walking past the fallen fridge.

"NOOO! JIGGLYPUFF! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!" he exclaimed.

"….You're in love with Jigglypuff?" asked Snake, raising an eyebrow.

"Nah, just kidding. But seriously, would you rather it be Pikachu?" asked Albino, but he looked, and noticed this story's adaption of Pikachu was both male and dead.

"Uh, wait, maybe another story, when those two characteristics are opposite." He walked off.

A female familiar voice was heard.

"No you don't….Pikachu is mine….." hissed a certain author…coughcoughPikanacoughcough.

Snake blinked.

"Damn, you just got owned..." chuckled the cameraman.

Snake drop kicked the cameraman in the face and kicked him in the gut.

* * *

_One new cameraman later..._

_

* * *

_"Well, what the hell do we observe now?" asked Snake.

Pichu walked by. Oh boy.

"Ah, Pichu..." said Snake.

"The Pichu is a shitty gimic Pokemon... It's only known for being cute and being a baby Pikachu pretty much, and has bad stats." said Snake

The ceiling collapsed on Pichu. Master Hand said the lower in the ceiling budget wouldn't do anything. LIES!

"...Wow, we've lost Kirby, Pichu, Jigglypuff, and Pikachu in two episodes." said Snake.

"That's-a pretty terrible!" exclaimed everyone's favorite character, Mario.

Sonic, on "speed", sped by and sliced through Mario as super sonic. Sonic crashed into a wall and broke his neck.

"Uh, and Mario and Sonic." said Snake.

Mewtwo floated by. A fragment of ceiling came close to him, and he uses his psychic powers to deflect it, where it impaled Roy. Roy's blood flew into Mewtwo's eyes and Mewtwo accidentally psychiced himself, making his own head explode.

"Wait a minute, when did this become a FInal Destination fic?" asked Snake.

Fox laughed "Me only, no items, final destination!" Fox made an awesome face, and gave a thumbs up.

His blaster malfunctioned and exploded. Fox died of radiation.

"Wait, let me rephrase that, a CRACK Final Destination fic." said Snake.

Luigi spontaneously combusted, and a spark landed near Wario, whos fart made a reaction and the whole mansion exploded, killing everyone but Snake. How? What protected him? The magic of a plothole.

* * *

End of Episode 2. Sadly, this fic is 2/3 of the way done. Next is the last chapter.


	3. The End

**Huh, first fic I've finished in a while…**

* * *

Snake coughed, covered in soot and Ash.

"GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!" exclaimed Ash, making an awesome face, and combusting, and truning into ash.

Snake chuckled "Hehe!"

"Anyways, I need to find…Uh, I dunno…. Let's let fate tell us!" exclaimed Snake.

A sofa fell on Snake.

Fate laughed and flipped Snake off.

**THE END**

Kidding.

Meta Knight and Diddy Kong crawled out from under the wreckage.

"I'm alive!" exclaimed Diddy in happiness, throwing his fists up in the air in triumph.

An old Donkey Kong arcade machine fell from the sky and landed on Diddy.

"What the…?" asked Meta Knight, walking up to the machine. A sticky note was pasted on the machine, and it said:

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,., ,.. /´ /)

.,.,.,.,.,., ,.,./.,../

.,.,.,.,.,., ../¯ ../

.,.,.,.,.,., ./.,. ./ /

.,.,.,.../´¯/' ...'/´¯•¸

.,.,.,./'/.,./.,. ./.,. .,./¨¯\

..('….(...´(... .,.,.,. /'.,.')

.,.,.,\.,.,.,.,., .,.,. ..\/.,./

.,.,.,.''...\... .,.,. . .•´

.,.,.,.,.\.,.,. .,.,. ..(

.,.,.,.,.,\.,.,. .,.,. ...\

"Did that sticky note just flip me off?" asked Meta Knight.

Snake was looking the other way, at the sunset.

"Isn't it beautiful?" asked Snake.

The machine slowly started to creak forwards, Meta Knight gasping as it tipped over and crushed him.

"I mean, people these days just keep their heads in their iPhones and video games, and never looking up to appreciate this beautiful world." Said Snake, staring at the sunset.

Red liquid began to leak out from under the arcade machine.

"…I take it from your silence that you agree." Said Snake.

* * *

_Five minutes of silence later._

_

* * *

_

Snake looked around.

"Uh, Meta Knight, Diddy Kong?" Snake looked around.

More red liquid leaked out from under the machine.

Snake lifted up the machine.

The Kool Aid guy lay crushed, twitching, kool aid leaking everywhere. OH YEAAAHHHH!

Meta Knight was in the crushed Arcade, playing one of the few intact games.

"Hey, I can warp." Said Meta Knight

"…" Snake paused "OK? So what should we do?"

"What is there to do? All our friends and allies are dead, and the masion is destroyed, all except for the arcade. I shall stay here and play." Meta Knight said coolly "_I'll do something in my own sequel to this story though" _the warrior whispered to himself. Sandbag lay in a corner, covered by rubble, concealed. But, he was very much alive. (another sequel, bro)

"Whatever." Snake walked, into the sunset. And burned to death. Sunsets are hot, you know.

By the power of another plothole, he was revived.

Snake walked away, slipping on the kool aid, breaking his neck.

_ONE PLOTHOLE REVIVAL LATER_

The mercenary pulled out a mop, put on an apron, cleaned up the Kool Aid, and walked off.

He tripped on the hem of his apron and broke his neck.

_ANOTHER PLOTHOLE REVIVAL LATER_

The mercenary pulled out a mop, put on an apron, cleaned up the Kool Aid, threw his apron off, and walked off.

He tripped on the apron he recently threw on the ground, tripped, and impaled himself on the mop.

_YET ANOTHER PLOTHOLE REVIVAL LATER_

The mercenary pulled out a mop, put on an apron, cleaned up the Kool Aid AGAIN, threw his apron off, threw his mop at the mansion rubble as hard as he could, and began to walk away, avoiding the apron.

Unfortunately, the mop hit the dead Fox's reflector, and it reflected back at him and impaled him.

_ANOTHER ***ING REVIVAL DUE TO A PLOT HOLE LATER_

"Ah, screw it all." Snake pulled out his Cypher helicopter thing and flew away.

**Shooka shooka shooka….**

All was well, but he flew up and into a jet intake.

Shucks.

*insert Benny Hill montage here*

_Snake called for a taxi, but it ran him over._

**Snake sat down to take a rest, but accidentally sat on one of Dedede's dead gordos.**

Snake scratched his sandpaper beard, making his hand bleed. He wiped it on Pit's dead corpse, but Pit had AIDS and Swine flu, so…. FATALITY.

_Snake paused, and thought to himself._

_While he was stopping, Soap from Modern Warfare sniped him. Headshot!_

**Snake stopped, and went in the arcade to play a few games, btu Meta Knight, recently diagnosed with rabies, killed him.**

Snake died from all those cigarettes.

*end benny hill montage*

"That…sucked…." Said Snake.

Kirby's corpse created a sort of black hole effect, killing him instantly. Kidding.

Actually, Snake went to the world of Pokemon, where he made a show where he discusses the good and bad pokemon. AND TELLS YOU WHAT'S UBER AND BULLSHIT.

(Maybe another story)

* * *

THE END?

(Probably, but you know, sequals)

**Uh, casualties:**

**Kirbies: Killed by Weegee and Tails Doll**

**Pikachu: Died of shock (lol, electric pun) and terror**

**Jigglypuff: Killed by a falling fridge.**

**Cameraman: Beaten to death by Snake in chapter 2**

**Pichu: Died of ceiling collapsing on him**

**Mario: Sliced through by drugged Sonic**

**Sonic: Sped into wall, broke neck, dead on contact**

**Fox: Killed after blaster malfunction, radiation effects as well**

**Luigi: Spontaneously combusted**

**Wario: Spark from own fart igniting, causing gas explosion**

**Diddy Kong: Died of old Donkey Kong arcade machine falling on him**

**Everyone else but Snake and Meta Knight: Died of Wario's fart explosion**

**SandBag: Status, alive**

**What a wonderful story! See you next sequal!**

**I love you all!**

**Wait, no I don't!**

…

**Uh, bye.**

**Luv you all, I guess. Except you! Yes, you right there!**

**~Albino**


End file.
